When you love somebody, and it doesn´t matter, if he is good or bad, you think, that this can last forever. When you hate someone, and it doesn´t matter if he´s done something or not, you know, that this can last forever.
You probably think, that you are old enough to know, what is love, but do you really know what love is? Only feeling or only pain?
When you love someone, you want it to never ends. But it will. Unexpectedly. Love is pain. Everybody knows it, but we all desire. Desire for love...does it automatically means, that we all desire for pain? True or false?
Some say, that I don´t live my life right. But I play with cards, which I have in my hand. No aces, no kings or queens, only very, very low cards...many low cards. You can´t make right decicions, if you don´t know how. You can´t be happy, if you sleep three hours per night, in better case. You can´t know how to live, if you´ve never really live...
But what is that time, when I die? What I suppose to do? Will I know? Will somebody tell me?
What if I am already died? What if it´s not real, nothing. Was it real? Or was it everything only inside me? Only in my head, heart and soul?
How I can know, that both of them really exist? Where is the border line between reality and fiction? Where is the border line between life and death, between heaven and hell, between God and Devil? Will I burn in hell? Did I do something wrong?
I don´t have any answers, only questions...but Alex...Alex had answers...maybe not that right answers, but he always knew, what I wanted to hear...
When you love someone, you trust, that it will last forever. When you really love someone, and your love is pure, it can last forever in some cases, not ever. I thought that we can make it through...anything...but dead...dead not.
Please, forgive me...
Joahnnie